


Ladydoor - the Phanfic

by TheDalmatian



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: A clueless Phil, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Fireboy and Watergirl, Castles, Crack, Euphemisms, Fluff, Gen, Humor, Ladydoor, Nobility, hints at trans!Phil, starts a bit sinister but gets funny soon I promise
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-14
Updated: 2018-04-14
Packaged: 2019-04-22 19:46:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,664
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14315853
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheDalmatian/pseuds/TheDalmatian
Summary: Lord Philip is less than happy when he unexpectedly inherits the title and lands of his deceased uncle, making him Earl of Lester. He hates his new home, the Forest Temple, until he discovers the mysterious ladydoor in the deep, wet cellar of his castle. When he then meets Fireboy Danny and his male exit, he is determined to unveil its secret. After all, not everyone has got a ladydoor downstairs, right?Or: A fic about a ladydoor, a male exit and as many euphemisms as I can fit while kind of keeping a storyline. Happy six month anniversary to the lady door!





	Ladydoor - the Phanfic

**Author's Note:**

> Happy sixth month anniversary to the best DnP livestream ever - the first Fireboy and Watergirl episode. To celebrate, here's a little phanfic that no one asked for about Phil's love for the ladydoor.
> 
> I'm very sorry.
> 
> Rating is gen, unless you count all the euphemisms, in which case it's somewhat explicit? But not really? I have no idea how to rate this. I just thought this was the only appropriate way to celebrate Phil Lester's amazing creation.
> 
> Also written for the [Phandom Writing Challenge](https://phanfichallenge.tumblr.com/) _Elements Challenge_.

It was a stormy night. The thunder roared like it was trying to warn people to stay inside their houses, the rain splashed, soaking everyone to the bones in an instant should they dared to obey. Superstitious people would say it was a night that marked the beginning of something grave.

Only one lonely coach could be seen making its way over the muddy paths of Northern England. Inside was none other than Earl Philip of Lester. If anyone asked him, the weather was just appropriate for this fateful day. Today was the beginning of his life as Earl, something he'd never dreamed of becoming. Something he'd never wished for either.

Earl Philip - or simply Phil as he himself preferred, but who knew how well people would respond to his wishes to be called by his nickname now that he was _Earl_ – looked out of the shabby little window of his coach. He tried to make out anything of the landscape outside, _his_ lands now, but the rain was too thick to actually see anything farther than one foot from the glass.

He sighed and leaned back in his seat. You would think the arrival of the new Earl would be met with more enthusiasm, more effort to welcome him. Truth was, he didn't want to be here, far away from everyone he knew. And the people didn't want him either. The weird nephew of the late Earl that no one could really make sense of. Everyone had loved the Earl and his sons, but when the whole family had passed in a tragic accident and with Phil's father already deceased as well, Phil had been the next in the line of succession.

Phil dreaded their arrival at the Forest Temple, his new home. He didn't know what to expect, but he was sure nothing good could come out of this.

\---------------------------------

“And here we have the old torture chambers.”

 _Oh god_ , Phil though, _anything but that!_

They had been walking around the castle for over an hour now. An old servant who had greeted Phil upon his arrival and introduced himself as John had insisted on showing Phil around his new home right away, ignoring all of the Earl's protests.

Phil gritted his teeth. So far, it was exactly the nightmare he had imagined. The castle was dark and sinister, making Phil question if he could ever feel at home in this place. Every single member of the staff they met eyed him coldly and almost condescendingly, as if they were making sure that Phil understood he would never be accepted here. John himself was no exception.

Phil would give anything to hide away in his bed and shut this hellish place from his thoughts.

But here he was, standing in the castles underground torture chambers and listening to Johns cold, biting voice as the latter made it clear with every single action that he, too, would rather want to be anywhere else right now.

“One of our proudest exhibits, the Queen Cage”, John recited, giving Phil a stern look as to make sure he was paying attention to every single word he said, “Despite its name it was long believed to be exclusively used for men, assuming that women were unable to feel anything from it. But recent claims say that many women actually have their way with it, too, whether it's their own or someone else's.”

Phil had to look away, cold sweat appearing on his face. That Queen Cage surely stimulated his imagination and he didn't want to let his reaction show. He needed to get away from those torture instruments.

“Right!”, Phil exclaimed in a desperate attempt to hurry things up, “that is a very interesting story, John! How about we continue with the next corridor?”

Phil turned and rushed towards the exit.

“My Lord!”, John called after him, but Phil was already out of the door.

He looked around panicking, trying to figure out which way they'd come from earlier. Hearing John's steps approaching, he decided on a gate to his left to give the other man no chance to catch up and drag him back to that gruesome chamber with the unsettling Queen Cage.

It was not the way they'd come from earlier. Stairs led him down even deeper into the castles basement, which made Phil feel even more uneasy than before. But there was no way he would turn back and face John.

When he finally reached the bottom of the stairs, he found himself standing in another corridor, barely illuminated by... some floating, glowing lights?

It was the strangest part of the castle yet. The stones in the wall were green and there was moss everywhere. A huge puddle of water covered a part of the ground.

But what caught Phil's attention above everything else was a huge, greenish-beige door on the side of the wall. A bright blue circle with a cross underneath glowed dimly on its surface.

Phil had never seen such beauty. Carefully he neared the door, one arm stretched out, feeling and inexplicable urge to touch and caress it, rubbing the old stone with his fingers...

“Your Lordship!”, John panted behind him, leaning against the wall to catch his breath.

Phil immediately retracted his hand and whirled around. For some reason, he felt as if he'd been caught in an intimate moment.

“What is this door, John?”, Phil asked, slightly embarrassed but genuinely curious for the first time since they'd started their tour of the castle.

John's eyes darted to the door besides Phil and his face turned into a stern frown.

“Oh... that!”, he said, still panting for air, but displeasure evident in his voice, “that is just an old door, my Lord, of no interest to you! Now, if you will follow me back...”

“Where does is lead to?” Phil asked, still intrigued.

Probably realising that the Earl would not give in that easily, John narrowed his eyes in disapproval again but started another recited monologue.

“Nobody knows what's behind the ladydoor, my Lord, as there are no records about its intent or who constructed it. Unfortunately, it won't open either, so it's best to just leave it alone and pay it no further attention.”

“The ladydoor!”, Phil whispered reverently and looked back at the majestic cuboid of stone blocking the mysterious passage behind. “Don't you have a feeling that it's... alive, somehow? Like it could... respond if I just found the right ways to interact with it?”

John pressed his lips together.

“No, my Lord! Now, if we could _please_ continue our tour of the rest of the castle. A good Earl should know his own home after all!”

Phil finally gave in to John's pleading and left the strange old corridor.

If he'd had trouble concentrating on John's talking about the castle before, it was now impossible for him to focus on the tour. His mind was still in the cold, wet basement with the marvellous door that made something in him tingle.

\------------------

Phil woke up in the middle of the night with a sore throat. It took him a moment to remember where he was, why his bed was so much bigger than he was used to and the room so much darker than usual. It all came back to him when he looked outside the window. The rain was still pouring mercilessly, forever the reflection of Phil's feelings towards his new home and new position.

He got up, lighting a small oil lamp by his bedside and looked around the room for a carafe of water, but found nothing.

Phil sighed. He was really thirsty but he was reluctant to call any of his servants, given that they all seemed to hate him.

Deciding that he shouldn't feel uncomfortable walking around his own home, he slipped on a dressing gown and fetched some slippers before opening the door to his private bedroom and sneaking outside.

Surprisingly, it only took him about half an hour to find the kitchen. With his terrible sense of direction, that came close to a miracle.

Unfortunately, he ran out of luck on his way back.

After forty-five minutes of wandering around parts of the castle he couldn't even remember from the tour earlier, he he found himself standing in front of a set of stairs that only led down.

He was about to turn around and try for another hallway, when suddenly he could hear voices coming closer.

Panicking, as he didn't want to explain to any member of his personnel why he was wandering around the castle in the middle of the night, he went for the only option he had; down the stairs.

To his relief, the voices did not follow him here. But while he'd had trouble finding his way around the main part of the castle, he was now hopelessly lost in the cellars.

The little light his lamp had to offer did not much to illuminate the way, if anything it only cast dancing shadow on the walls that scared Phil every now and then.

He walked slowly, avoiding the many puddles on the way and... was that a pool of fire over there? And what was that greenish liquid that covered some parts of the ground?

He had to get out of here.

It took him what felt like forever until he finally reached an intersection that looked familiar to him. He was about to take the door that he thought would lead him back upstairs, when a familiar entrance caught his eye.

He turned around again. Yes, he was certain! That was the corridor that led even further down to the mysterious corridor. The path down to the ladydoor!

Phil hesitated. He was tired and cold and really needed his bed. Plus, he hadn't even gotten to drink any of the water he'd gotten from the kitchen and still carried around with him. But something told him that this might be his only chance to see that door again. The door he was so inexplicably drawn to.

It was now or never.

He went down, heart beating fast, his excitement giving him a rush he'd never felt before – and in places he'd never experienced such feelings in either. With quick steps, he reached the end of the stairs and there it was.

The ladydoor.

It was just as beautiful as he remembered.

He set down his lamp and water and carefully approached it. Nobody would stop him from touching it now.

Phil reached out his hand and touched the surprisingly warm stone. He traced his fingers up and down the wet, smooth surface, caressing the door as if it was a precious treasure and he knew how lucky he was to have found it.

It was impossible, but he could have sworn he could feel the door reacting to his touch.

He set up the pace now, rubbing the surface more forcefully and the material vibrated slightly beneath his fingers. He soon found one spot, the insides of the blue circle, that triggered the greatest reaction yet, causing vibrations that filled the entire room.

Phil's mouth was open and for some reason he was panting hard. He wanted to give more to the ladydoor. He wanted to make it feel good. Maybe, if he used his tongue as well...? Slowly, he approached the door with his mouth.

“Having fun with the ladydoor, eh?”

Phil jumped. He jerked away from the door as if it had bitten him. He didn't know why, but he felt like he'd been interrupted doing something very intimate.

Slowly, he turned around.

There was a young man standing in front of him. He was about the same height as Phil, dressed in black from head to toe and had an annoying, smug look on his face. But what was probably most striking about him was the fact that he was _literally_ on fire!

Phil yelped and reached for his cup of water. He knew that the little bit of liquid inside was nowhere near enough to put the fire out, but it was all he could do.

“Don't worry, I'll save you!” he shouted and splashed the water in the direction of the burning man.

Said man's eyes widened as he realised what Phil was doing.

“No no no wait!” he screamed and, for some reason, jumped to dodge the water, but he was too slow.

The moment the first drop of water touched him, he completely disappeared. Only a tiny bit of smoke rose where he had stood just moments before.

Phil blinked. Had he gone insane? Had touching the ladydoor that way been sinful and now he was turning blind – or at least hallucinating?

He turned back to the door, but somehow the feeling from earlier, the urge to touch the door, was gone. The man on fire had completely ruined the moment.

Phil sighed. He gave the door another long look. It was still as beautiful as before, but he felt exhausted now, as if rubbing the door had drained him in ways he had never experienced before. Maybe he should come back tomorrow.

He turned around – and for the second time tonight he jumped.

The fire man was back. The smug look had been wiped from his face though. Now, his arms were crossed and he gave Phil a stern look, judging him in a completely different way than before.

“Well, that was just _rude_!”, the man exclaimed.

Phil didn't answer. All he could do was to keep staring at the man in shock.

The still burning man did not seem to bother, though, and continued to accuse Phil.

“You are lucky this is a stage I can do on my own. Just imagine I had to wait by a platform for someone to push a lever. I'd b stuck forever, _literally_.”

Phil finally found his words again.

“You... you are on fire!”, he stammered.

“Oh!”, Dan said as if he'd only just remembered that, “yeah, I am. I mean, actually no. I'm not _on_ fire, I kind of... _am_ the fire. I'm Fireboy. But you can just call me Dan. Or Daniel. Or Danny. Whichever you prefer.” He shrugged. His posture had become relaxed again.

Phil was even more confused than before. So, the man was not burning to death then?

“Alright, Dan-who-is-not-on-fire”, he began slowly, “So you, uh, live here?”

It was a simple question, but it triggered a much greater reaction in the Fireboy. He slumped down, head in his hands and if water didn't somehow make him disappear, Phil was sure he'd be crying.

“Uuuh”, Phil said awkwardly, “I'm sorry if...”

“IT'S NOT SUPPOSED TO BE THAT WAY”, Dan interrupted him, sobbing, “We were supposed to travel on, together. But she's gone. Just like that. GONE. And now I'm stuck here FOREVER, unable to move to the next stage alone.”

Fire Dan continued to cry without shedding any actual tears. Phil awkwardly shuffled on his feet, unsure what to say. What the hell was this?

“Uhm... she?”, he asked carefully, not wanting to upset Danny-boy-not-on-fire any more.

“Watergirl”, the Fireboy snivelled, “it was supposed to be a normal level. Nothing too difficult. Just collecting some diamonds, jumping over some puddles. We were already here, at the very end. But she tripped and fell into the green stuff and then she... and then she...” His sobs got louder again.

“She died?”, Phil asked carefully, “Uhm, I'm really sorry for your loss. That... that must be terrible for you.”

Dan looked up, his face indifferent again.

“Oh, never mind that”, he said, “Happens all the time. You make a wrong jump, trip from a log, can't operate the lift properly” He waved his hands around as if to say _you know, the obvious stuff_. Then he glared at Phil again. “Have a stranger chuck water at you.”

A shock went through Phil as he realised what Fireboy Danny was saying.

“Oh my gosh! I killed you?”, he asked, horrified.

“Yeah but it's alright”, Dan shrugged, “annoying, but as I said, it happens all the time. I'm back now.”

Phil slowly caught on to what the fire creature was saying.

“And she... your Watergirl... she didn't come back?”

The miserable look on Dan's face said it all.

“But why?”, Phil asked curiously.

“I don't know. I looked everywhere but somehow, she is just gone. It's never been like that before.”

“And you can't... go on without her?”

Dan shook his head. “The male exit opens for me but I can't go to the next level while the ladydoor is still closed.”

“The... what?”

“The male exit.” Dan waved his hands in the direction of the darker part of the corridor.

Now that he was paying attention to it, Phil could make out another door that he had not noticed there before. It looked just like the ladydoor, but instead of the blue symbol, there was a red circle with an arrow pointing to the top right corner, the same colour as Dan's fire.

Phil walked over to it. Somehow, he didn't feel such a stark connection to it compared to the ladydoor. Still, he reached out a hand to touch it.

“Don't”, Dan snarled behind him.

Phil looked back at him over his shoulder.

“Why not?”

“You don't touch someone else's exit without his permission.”

“This is my castle. Technically, I own everything in it, including the male exit here.”

Dan angrily shook his head.

“My exit, my rules!”

Phil still didn't understand, but decided to follow the Fireboy's wishes.

He yawned.

“Well, Danny boy, all this is really interesting, but I have to go back to bed. As the new Earl I probably have a lot of tasks coming up tomorrow.”

Dan actually looked sad to see him go.

“Will you come back?”

“You know what”, Phil contemplated, “I come back as soon as I can, with all the books about ladydoors and Watergirls and whatnot that I can find. I'm sure we can find out what happened to her.”

“Really?”, Dan beamed.

“Yes”, Phil smiled, glad he had made at least one person in this castle happy today. It looked like Dan might become his only friend around here.

“You know, I would give you a hug if that wouldn't set your clothes on fire and leave you with several third-degree burns.”

“Very considerate of you. I'll see you tomorrow!”

Phil actually found his way back pretty quickly after this. He went back to bed, exhausted after his nightly trip around the castle and encounter with the ladydoor and Danny.

His dreams that night consisted of hands rubbing a stone door and a man on fire entering a red exit.

\------------------------------

His day was incredibly busy, just as he had expected. John made him study everything about his new lands and the noble people he would have to interact with from now on. He had to learn about his family's history and recent troubles of the common people.

Only learning about his castle, the Forest Temple, sparked his interest, but to his disappointment he found no information about secret doors in the cellar.

Once everyone had gone to sleep, Phil sneaked out of his room again. This time, he carried four big books and a blanket to make himself comfortable down there.

When he arrived in the corridor with the doors, Dan was nowhere to be seen. Phil glanced over to the ladydoor, tempted as always when it was near, but he didn't dare get close to it again in case Dan would just pop out from somewhere like last time.

“Dan?”, he asked into the silence.

No response.

Maybe it had all been a dream. Maybe the ladydoor had befogged his mind and he had only imagined his nightly encounter with Dan. A boy made of fire. Phil shook his head. He was clearly going mad.

All of a sudden, the ground started shaking. A deep rumble sounded across the corridor and Phil let out a shriek, almost dropping everything he carried.

Then, there was a movement at the other end of the hallway. The chunk of stone that made up the male exit started to lift, until slowly, it had disappeared completely into the top part of the door frame.

Again, Phil could only stare at the man made of flames who walked through the door.

“You actually came back”, Dan greeted him with a smile and came closer to him.

As he stepped away from the male exit, the same rumbling resounded once again and the stone door came down until the exit was sealed.

“I... uh... sure! I mean... Did you just come out of the male exit?”, Phil stuttered. He wondered if he would ever not be confused around these weird doors and that even weirder guy.

“Yeah. As I said, it opens for me, I just can't _go on_ if it's just me”, Dan explained.

“But... isn't it called an exit? Why can you _enter_ from there?”

“Well”, Dan smirked, “even though its _original_ intend is to be an exit, it's a lot more fun once you figure out how to use it _both ways_.”

Phil had the strong feeling he was missing something.

“Anyway”, Dan continued, gesturing towards the books Phil was still holding, “what's all that?”

“Oh, er, books. I mean, obviously those are books. But... I got them from the library.”

“No way”, Dan replied sarcastically, “well that makes them so much more exciting than any other books I have seen so far.”

“Shut up!” Phil's cheeks flushed. “I mean they are books I found about the Forest Temple. Maybe there's something about the ladydoor in there.”

With that, he got Dan's attention. He settled down with his blanket and started his research.

From now on, he came down to the ladydoor every night for a few hours, studying the books while Dan kept him company. Unfortunately, Dan couldn't help him because, per his own words, “the books would combust the second I came near them”, but Phil didn't even mind. Even though it took much longer if it was just him reading, Dan turned out to be quite an enjoyable person to be with.

Although he was loud and annoying and most of the things he said just confused Phil, Danny Fireboy – as Phil called him most of the time – actually made him laugh and was much friendlier than anyone else Phil had met ever since arriving here.

He found himself looking forward to his time with Dan the most. Every day, every boring meeting or study session was only bearable to him because he knew that at the end of the day, he would meet the boy on fire and his male exit again.

 

“What do you even do when I'm not here?”, Phil asked one night.

He was nestled in his blanket and cushions he had brought down here over the time. He spend so much time down with the ladydoor and Dan's male exit, it was important to stay comfortable or his knees and other joints would start hurting from the uncomfortable position.

Dan was literally playing with fire on the wall opposite of him, staying clear of all the water puddles. Phil had offered to clean them up, but according to Dan “the moisture is important, especially to the ladydoor. Although, when I pass through the male exit, it's essential to have some sort of lubricant there, too.”

As always, Phil had no clue what Dan had been on about.

Dan interrupted telling him the story of the time he got sunstroke – however he had managed to do that, the guy was literally made of fire – and looked over to Phil.

“Oh, I keep myself busy”, he answered, looking a bit bored.

“Busy how?”

“Well, sometimes I lay around for hours having an existential crisis about my life as a Fireboy. Because honestly, why am I even doing this, completing each level, solve riddles, collect diamonds I can't even spend on anything. Where is the meaning in this? Will I ever stop doing? Is there an end? And have I defeated the purpose of my existence by not being able to continue this? I mean...”

“Danny. Dan!”, Phil interrupted him.

“Oh”, Dan blinked. “Sorry. I get lost easily in these thoughts.”

“So that's all you do?”

“Most of the time. Like, there's not much else to do. Apart from playing with my male exit.”

“How do you even play with a door?”

“Says the person I caught grinding against the ladydoor.”

Phil's cheeks turned bright red.

“I wasn't... it wasn't...”, he stuttered but failed to give a proper explanation for his behaviour.

Dan grinned.

“You're lucky with your ladydoor though”, he started to explain. It sounded like one of those monologues Phil would once again understand nothing of. “The ladydoor has many sensitive spots on the surface. Like, sure, entering is the most fun for you, but you can easily play with it even if it won't open for you. The male exit is not like that. Alright, it's fun to tease the frame a little, but I only really get to finish off by going in and out.”

Phil noticed that a flame in Danny's lower regions had started to grow a little.

“So like”, he tried to catch on with what Dan was saying, “you run in and out and that gets you exhausted?”

“Something like that.”

“How do you even know that much about the ladydoor? After all, your door is the male exit.”

“Hey, just because I most frequently use the male exit doesn't mean I can't be into ladydoor as well.”

Phil got confused by the defensive undertone in Dan's voice.

“I mean, it's no big thing that you like to play with the male exit, I just...” He didn't get to finish as Dan cut him off.

“FYI I like ladydoor”, Dan snapped.

Phil had no idea what _FYI_ was supposed to mean, but he decided to leave it be.

He got tired soon after and left Dan, who was still rambling about not exclusively liking just one type of door.

That night, he dreamed of Dan, crawling through a tiny male exit, grazing the walls while squeezing himself through the tight entrance.

\-------------------------

“My Lord, could I have a word with you?”

Phil looked up from the book he was currently studying. It was _The Listing of all Notable Farms in Northern England_ and he welcomed any distraction. Well, talking to John, who had just entered the study and looked at him with his usual dubious expression, wasn't exactly a pleasant alternative either, but it was not like Phil had a choice anyway.

“Please.” He gestured to the seat in front of him. John came closer but remained standing.

“My Lord, it has come to my attention that you've been spending a lot of time with the ladydoor.”

Phil sucked in a deep breath. He was exposed. He tried to remain calm, reminding himself that he was the Earl of Lester and he could do whatever he wanted in his own castle.

“That is correct.” He threw John a challenging stare.

“My Lord...” John paused for a moment, as if he was trying to find the right words. “I feel like it is my duty to advise you to quit doing that.”

“And why should I?”

“It is not... suitable for a young Earl to be more interested in ladydoor than his duties. If word spreads that the new Earl spends all his nights with the ladydoor, it might be bad for your reputation.”

Phil had the impression he was talking to the Fireboy Danny. Like usually in their conversations, he had no idea what on earth John was talking about.

“Well, John, I'll have you know that there is a special connection between the ladydoor and me. I feel drawn to it. It gives me a pleasuring feeling to be around it.”

John pressed his lips together, like he always did when Phil was saying something that he thought was inappropriate.

“My Lord, you are hardly the only one in that sense.”

“Really?” That actually surprised Phil.

John nodded slowly.

“Many Earls before you have expressed their interest in the ladydoor. It has led to many scandals, especially for those who were already married and got caught with the old ladydoor in their own basement at nights. For your own sake, my Lord, refrain from your nightly adventures and concentrate on what's important.”

Phil shook his head.

“Maybe other Earls have had their fun with the ladydoor, but I'm sure no one before me has had the same connection to it as I have. I understand the ladydoor. I'm learning so much about it, its sensitive spots, its moisture. I know that it's not about _me_. It's about making the ladydoor feel good!”

John stared at him for another long moment, then slightly bowed his head.

“Of course, my Lord. Do as you _please_ ”

There was a strange emphasis on the last word that gave Phil the feeling that once again, he was missing something obvious.

 

That night, he told Dan about it who just shrugged, saying he'd never seen any other Earls down here.

It took weeks and many more books from the library and strange stories from Dan – what the hell was a _hamster_? – until Phil finally found something useful.

“There!”, he cried out, finally making Dan stop talking about 'butterfingers'.

“What is it?”, Dan asked curiously and scooted closer.

“I'm reading the book about local myths and legends and there is a paragraph about the story of 'Fireboy and Watergirl', two ancient beings roaming the Forest Temple in search of diamonds”, Phil read out loud triumphantly.

Now Dan got excited as well.

“So? What does is sa... sa... ACHOO!”

Flames shot from Dan's nose as he sneezed. Phil lifted the book just in time before the fire could hit and incinerate the important pages.

“Woah, careful!”

“Hey, it's not my fault all my body liquids are literally made of fire.”

Phil grunted.

“Whatever, Dani-snot-on-fire. Listen to this.” He cleared his throat and started reading. “ _The tale speaks of two ancient beings roaming the Forest Temple in search of diamonds. No one knows where they came from or what their final objective is, nor how long they live..._ And blah blah, more stuff we don't know.” Phil hastily skipped some passages, sensing another of Dan's existential crises nearing. “Ah, there it is! _Rumour has it, they can live forever, as every time they die, their pure willpower will make them resurrect. However, should they decide that they'd had enough, they will not come back to life and instead, a person with the destiny to become the next element creature will be born._ This is it, Danny boy! Your Watergirl was tired of life and decided to not come back.”

Dan frowned.

“Why would she do that? We got along well! I'm great company!”

“Maybe she got sick of your talking about whatever llamas, maltesters and placentas are.”

“Hey, that was just a phase. I'm over that now!”

“Whatever”, Phil grinned. “The point is that according to this, a new Watergirl was born. So you won't have to stay here alone forever.”

Somehow the thought of Dan moving on and leaving him behind made him sad.

“Where is she then?”, Dan asked, eyebrows raised.

Phil skimmed the next passage of the book, then shook his head.

“There's nothing else about Fireboy and Watergirl written in here.” He paused and looked at Dan. “Do _you_ remember anything about how you became Fireboy?”

Dan rested his chin in his hand, thinking.

“Not really, that was ages ago. I remember... being unhappy with my life. And then I found the male exit. I felt... really drawn to it. Like, I had finally found out about a part of me that had always been there but that I had always denied. There was this _urge_... And... I just knew. And suddenly everything became very, very hot.”

Phil nodded as if anything Dan had just said made any sense. Something about it had caught his attention though. A strong urge?

“I... I kind of feel like that. Towards the ladydoor”, he said slowly, looking at Dan.

“So?”, Dan asked, confused.

“Don't you think... Maybe... I mean, what if _I_ was born to be the next Watergirl?”

Dan stared at him. Then he burst out in laughter.

“You?”, he giggled.

Phil's face turned bright red.

“I mean... it all seems to fit. I'm unhappy. I discovered the ladydoor. I have strong feelings for it”, he mumbled defensively.

“Yeah, but I think a necessary requirement for Watergirl is to be, well, a _girl_.”

“Whatever!” Phil slammed the book shut and got up, face still red. “I'm tired. I'll come back with more reading material tomorrow.”

“Until then, _my Lady_ ”, Dan shouted after him.

Phil stomped up the stairs without looking back.

\-----------------------------

John seemed to have made it his personal mission to make Phil's life miserable. Ever since their awkward conversation about the ladydoor, he gave him twice as much work to do for his Earl duties and passive-aggressively commented on every little thing Phil did.

It was a nightmare.

His only solace were the hours he could spend with Dan.

He did everything in his power to help his friend find Watergirl, even though he knew finding her would mean losing Dan.

This night, he was reading through a book about the origin of mythical creatures. John had caught him when he'd taken it from the library, commenting on how the young Earl seemed to be more into fantasy worlds than the real one. Phil had said nothing. John couldn't understand it, but he was on to something. His real purpose. He could feel it.

He'd stopped listening to Dan hours ago, he didn't know what a 'panic alarm' was anyway, and only focused on the book instead.

“I've got it!”, Phil exclaimed all of a sudden, eyes glistening with euphoria.

“Got what?”

“The origin of an element creature. That's the same expression that was used in the other book! Listen: _A new element creature is born whenever the last one has decided to perish for good. The new creature is born as a normal person, but will embody their true destiny once they've discovered and understood their fate._ So it's just as you said, she will need to find the ladydoor and understand that it is her destiny to be Watergirl.”

“Well, that doesn't really help us finding her, does it?”

“That's not all. There's a section entirely about Watergirl. _There are several requirements for a person to be the new Watergirl. One, th person has to find the ladydoor all on their own without any outside help. Two, the person has to be able to see Fireboy._ So wait, not everyone can see you?”

Dan shrugged.

“I thought most people just ignored me. That would explain a lot though. Like how I made it out of the kitchen unseen that one time after smashing all the plates .”

“Right”, Phil said, not prepared for another of Dan's stories, “anyway. _Three, the person must have come into this world through a ladydoor_. What the hell is that supposed to mean? How am I.. I mean how is someone supposed to be born through a ladydoor?”

“Maybe ladydoor is a euphemism for something?”, Dan suggested.

Phil blinked.

“What on earth could 'ladydoor' possibly be a euphemism for?”

“... you know what, never mind that”, Dan said hastily, “I have a feeling pretty much every person alive meets that requirement. What's number four?”

Phil looked back into the book. His heart sank.

“ _Four,_ ”, he read with a heavy voice, “ _the person must be of noble descent and born in the Forest Temple._ ”

“Is that all?”, Dan asked.

Phil nodded.

“See”, he said a bit stubborn, “nowhere does it say the person has to be female.”

“But you said you only just came to the Forest Temple. You weren't born here, right?”

Phil chewed on his lip. The Fireboy was right. He had been so sure. But no matter how he looked at it, he just didn't meet that last requirement.

“Great!” Dan clapped his hands, “so we just need to find someone who was born here around thirty years ago, and then...”

“Wait wait wait, what did you just say?” Phil stared at Dan with an open mouth.

“Well, I said”, the Fireboy repeated slowly, “that we will just have to find someone who was born in this castle around thirty years ago, because...”

“Why thirty years?”

“Well, more or less thirty. It's the time since Watergirl disappeared.”

The gears in Phil's head started turning.

“There is no one here who was born around that time. All the late Earl's children are dead, and they were much younger anyway.” He swallowed. “But _I_ am thirty-one. I am the only one in my family who meets that requirement.”

“But you weren't born _here_ ”, Dan insisted.

“I know, I know!” Phil buried his head in his hands and pulled his hair. It didn't make sense. It all fit perfectly, apart from the undeniable fact that he just wasn't born in the Forest Temple.

Suddenly he said up straight.

“So what!”, he snapped, startling Dan. “So what if I wasn't born here. Who says I can't still be Watergirl?”

“But the rules say...”

“Screw the rules! What if the universe made a mistake. What if I was supposed to be born here, as one of the Earl's children. What if I was just born in the wrong body. What if...”

Phil paused, as all the pieces fell into place. He looked at Dan, wide-eyed.

“What if the ladydoor comes from _within_?”, he whispered.

Suddenly his fingers turned numb. He looked down in shock, only to see them turn... transparent blue?

The colour and the feeling spread, soon it was most of his body – and his clothes, too? – that looked strangely liquidish. He stared back at Dan who looked just as surprised, but with a hint of knowing and joy in his eyes.

The transformation didn't even last a minute.

Phil stood up and looked down on himself.

“I'm... I'm Watergirl?”, he whispered.

Dan just smiled proudly at him.

“Looks like you were right. I should have trusted your feelings. I'm sorry. This is who you're meant to be.”

“But... but can it really be?”

Suddenly, Phil stared to feel doubtful again. He? Watergirl?

Dan just kept smiling at him.

“Well, there's just one way to find out!”

He gestured towards the lady door.

With shaking legs, Phil made his way to the door. What if it wouldn't open? What if it didn't accept him as Watergirl? The thoughts kept whirling through his mind.

He came to a halt right in front of the massive stone door. For a few seconds nothing happened. Then...

“Holy shit”, Phil swore as the ground stared shaking and the same rumbling sounded that Phil always heard when Dan opened his male exit.

He watched as the stone door lifted, revealing a dark, wet tunnel behind.

“Congratulations”, Dan said from behind him. “You may now enter the ladydoor!”

Phil looked over his shoulder, a happy tear in his eye. Actually, it was hard to tell, since all his body seemed to be made of water now.

“Only if you are ready to use the male exit”, he beamed at Dan.

Dan jumped on his own feet, rushing towards the other door, letting it open in the same manner.

When both doors were open, Phil felt a strange pull towards the inside of the lady door. He could see that Dan was feeling the same.

They're eyes met and Dan flashed him another excited smile.

“See you in the next level, Philly Watergirl.”

“To our new adventures together, Danny Fireboy.”

And then, finally, they both entered their doors at the same time.

**Author's Note:**

> Again, I'm very sorry.
> 
> If you would like to complain, block me or actually be notified about more of my phanfics (I promise my other fics are not like this), you can follow me on my fanfic-only [tumblr](https://thedalmatian.tumblr.com/).
> 
> Also, I'm always happy about all type of comments/feedback :)


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